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MARRIAGE as Simple as ABC
How to Get your Partner and Marry in 12 Months

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Test Post from WISDOM PROFITS

Test Post from WISDOM PROFITS http://cuteedgegroup.com

HOW TO FIND YOUR PARTNER

CHOOSE GOD FIRST

I will say that to be a marriage material, you must seek first the God who instituted marriage and your own marriage partner will be added (found) to you in due time, God is never late. Those who look for God will be led to their life partner faster than those who do not.

We are tempted to seek our needs first before seeking the one who can meet the needs. Ruth, unlike most of our young people today chose the almighty God and a life in Israel (with God’s people) in her outburst of affection and consecration.

 And Ruth said, in treat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: (Ruth 1:16) 

There is nothing wrong with coming to God(church) to search for the right partner, good job, business connection, contracts, children, healing to name but a few. It is wrong while in Church (God) to focus on those things first or primarily and put God last or even in a second place.

We know the instruction to seek God first, but in practice I have seen believers who had no working relationship with God trying frantically to carve out one with Him because they want Him to show them their husband or wife partner.

The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust. (Ruth 2:12) 

We must seek and have God as our number one priority because in God we will find marriage partner, fruit of the womb, job, protection and every other thing that are needful to us. We must remember that marriage is not a precondition to make heaven and neither are the possessions of other material things. Marriage must not be rushed into or made a do or die affair. On the last day, raptured believers will be part of the marriage supper of the Lamb, where as the bride of Christ, we will be married to Him, praise God!

ENVISION THE MARRIAGE

And the LORD answered me, and said, write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. (Hab 2:2) 

Vision can be defined as the mental picture of our desired future. The business vision paints our desired business venture and the vision of our wife or husband paints our desired partner loaded with all our expectation of him or her. It is not like seeing a beautiful woman in a dream singing in the choir and then believing your wife must come from the choir.

It was difficult before I met my wife to find a single sister in church who was open to the extent that she could reveal her real age. When you ask a Christian sister how old she is, she either answers you with another question “why do you want to know”, stylishly ignore your question or lie about it. So, I painted the picture of my wife who is open.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. (Hab 2:3)

I love singing and dancing unto God and wants a family of singers where my wife or I could lead, my daughter plays keyboard, my son plays drum set, my second son plays the guitar and we will form our own band. So, I painted a picture of a wife who could sing: note that I did not say a wife in the choir as that could be tantamount to limiting God.

I loved missionary work including reaching out to the less privileged in the society. I then painted a picture of my wife who loves mission work and would not mind becoming my help meet in my assignments, going with me wherever I went. Amazingly, I met my wife while a missionary and she loved it. I was later recalled and posted out to pioneer a parish with her immediately after our wedding and she is still doing well as pastor’s wife to the best of her ability. I know of sisters who have vowed not to marry a pastor.

Sister, do you see yourself as a career woman in the future? Do not make the mistake of marrying a man who wants a fulltime housewife. Do you love to spend your annual vacation overseas? Do not marry a spouse that believes vacations are better spent in the village with grandpa.

All areas of disagreement between couple’s expectations are prospective cracks on the walls of that marriage in the near future, write your personal vision and also articulate your marital vision; it will go a long way to ensuring that you achieve the marriage of your dreams.

FIND A PARTNER

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. (Pro 18:22) 

Many are still single today partly because they do not have idea of who to marry. It is necessary to consider the place of vision before embarking on the search of who to marry. “If you search for what you do not know, you won’t know when you find it”.

To commence the search, we must first settle with God what we need in a spouse. In doing this, we must let spiritual characteristics be our priority but that is not to presuppose that we ignore the place of physical attraction or likeness. When God brought Eve to Adam, he liked her because God made her beautiful. However, beauty must not rest on outward adorning but that of inner character of humility, kindness, hospitability, good heart and brotherly love.

There is also need for heart preparation that must manifest in attitudinal change from that of singlehood to that of marriage readiness. By faith, there is need to plan how we hope to sustain the marriage as we explore several avenues open to us to find our life partners. We must have at the back of our minds that every avenue where we come in contact with the opposite sex is good enough opportunity to find our life partner.

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD. (Pro 19:14) 

A lot of believers found their partner as they remained committed and dedicated to the work of God. A true life story that comes to mind is that of Betty who joined the sanitation department of the church and her duty post every service day was to keep the toilets always sparkling clean all through the service duration.

Betty was a bank executive and was close to 40 years yet still single but continued to do her work in church. One glorious service day, she was faithfully doing her work when she was approached by a readymade bachelor Mike who had monitored her commitment and the zeal with which she kept the toilets sparkling clean and thought to make her acquaintance.

The more Mike knew about her the more he was convinced that he had found his wife. Some months later, Betty and Mike got married in a very glorious wedding ceremony attended by so many church members some of who she had touched by her dedication to God’s work. Betty’s testimony made some single sisters in the same church to rush to join the sanitation department, perhaps they too could get married to a very wealthy and successful husband like Mike.

WHERE TO FIND OUR PARTNER

We could find our partners at family meetings, office/work places and market places. Opportunities abound in our churches, wherever we are visiting and in our schools and at seminars and conferences. Furthermore, a friendly disposition and hospitable character are guaranteed avenues of meeting one’s life partner.

The Family

But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac. (Gen 24:4)

Our family is our kindred. It means breed of the same kind. It means our breed of the same kind of believers. Spiritual brethren are of different breed from carnal ones. It is error for spiritual believers to seek life partners from amongst carnal believers much less people from same village or tribe that are not believers.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  (2Co 6:14) 

Choice of life partner from outside the family of God with the intention to convert the partner after must be discouraged. Cross breeding is an unnecessary risk in marriage especially for Christians.

God creates good and perfect marriages but Satan is the author of monstrous marriages.

It is the plan of Satan to create chaos by blind folding real believers into marriages with unbelievers just like he tried to corrupt mankind through fornication between fallen angels and daughters of men.

Hospitality

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Heb 13:2) 

Once a sister in her generous hospitality was buying gifts for brothers in church, some brothers thought she was desperate for a husband but few others saw that it was her character. Irrespective of the negative comments that got to her, she was not deterred.

She eventually hosted a young and vibrant minister of God who came to preach in her church and they became friends. Some years later, the man of God sought her hand in marriage. Today they are married and run a thriving global ministry with headquarters in Lagos, Nigeria.   

Find Your Life Partner

SINGLE’S PRESENCE

Make your Presence Felt

Those who seek our hands in marriage must feel our presence to make up their minds. The sister in the bus story of the last chapter impacted the brother by standing up for Jesus in a bus full of men and other Christians.

Eliezer was a total stranger to Rebecca but in verses18-19 of the 24th chapter of Genesis, she impacted him by her beauty, modesty, humility, hospitality, friendliness and kindness. Ruth’s presence was felt in the field by Boaz as a wife material.

Presence is defined as a personal magnetism that attracts and holds the attention of others. It is a quality of poise or distinction that enables a person to impress, or have strong effect on others. (Longman’s family dictionary)

Impact is the fruit of presence and until we positively impact those we come in contact with daily, our presence will not be felt. When we are in search of life partner we must ensure that we have presence wherever we are: office, school, market place, church, seminars, conferences and even when we are in transit by air or bus. Above all, we must ask for divine positioning, guidance, grace in the sight of our would-be life partner to make them see in us what others cannot see, especially our good parts.

Our presence is the manifestation of our true selves without a preconceived motive and so it must be devoid of pretense. The “presence” keys to locating our future partners are considered below:

Key #1.

Friendliness

A wife material like Ruth must be friendly. Ruth was more than a daughter-in-law to Naomi; she was a friend in need. What would have Naomi done at her age and as a widow to fend for herself if Ruth did not cleave to her. The love between Ruth and Naomi was like the one between Jonathan and David (2Sam.1:26).

Then she said, Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaidens. (Ruth 2:13) 

Marriage must be built on friendship between the partners and between each partner and the family members of the opposite sex. Marriage can only be between friends and not between enemies and it is written (prov.18:24) that anybody who needs friends must show himself friendly. Our presence must showcase our friendly disposition and hospitality.

Our Lord Jesus Christ is friendly, calls us friends and not servants and eventually died for us His friends (Jn.15:13-15). As many who have been baptized into Jesus must have friendliness engraved in their DNA. Hate or hostility begets enmity as love begets friendliness. A friendly relationship predicated on the unconditional love of God could beget a godly marriage.

Key #2.

Hard work

My wife made me understand the in-built peculiar strength in women. We could get back home from work or church together and whilst I feel tired and unwilling to do anything, she will get dinner fixed, look over the children’s school home work before going to bed. She wakes up before me the next morning to get the children ready for school. Ruth was hard working and a home keeper. She reminds me of the virtuous woman (prov.31:10-31).

And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter. (Ruth 2:2)

God created woman out of man and endowed her with peculiar strength, wisdom and abilities. It is only a woman that can become a mother and also possess peculiar home building and managerial skills. Her feminine attributes and more peaceful nature balances the home atmosphere. The more feminine a woman is the more beautiful and pleasing to God she become. The more a woman tries to appear and conduct herself like a man and to take man’s place, the more she loses her true beauty and virtue.

But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. (1Ti 2:12-13) 

I have seen some ill-home trained sisters who do not have respect for any man and when asked, they would say their submission is meant for their husband and not to all men. The tragedy for such an ill-mannered sister is that she may be exposing her lack of virtue and feminity to a prospective husband who may vow not to marry her.

In ministry, I have seen some virtuous women. Some of our married women believe that submission to “our own husbands” means ridding themselves of creativity and initiative and waiting for their husbands to think for them and instruct them on what to do.

The husband must find job or start a business of his choice for them or they remain idle house wives. I have seen single sisters who are either idle or doing very low paid jobs with the hope that they will get married to a rich brother to carry all their burdens.

Add to your Presence…

Obedience

A wife material like Ruth must be cool headed, willing and obedient. To God obedience is a great virtue and more to be preferred than works of sacrifices. The obedient will always eat the good of the land. Ruth obeyed the counsel of Naomi and gleaned only on the field of Boaz. It is time some of our sisters learn to remain or relocate only to their place of blessing and stop moving from place to place in their own wisdom.

And she said unto her, all that thou sayest unto me I will do. (Ruth 3:5) 

When it was time to make her proposal move, she promised and did exactly all Naomi counseled her. One of the banes of marriages today is disregard of godly counsel. Some of our young ones seek counsel but find it difficult to obey. Many of our young ones attend marriage counseling classes just to go out and do exactly the opposite of what they were taught.  This has led to broken marriages and left most of our young ones without marriage partners.

It was once revealed to me during a single’s seminar that one of the reasons why we have delay in finding marriage partners and broken wrong marriages is because most of our young ones got it all figured out and feels they do not need God’s help or godly counsel.

Conviction and Stability

And they said unto her, surely we will return with thee unto thy people (Ruth 1:10).

A marriage material like Ruth must be a woman of conviction and stability (Jam.1:6-8). Instability and lack of conviction in our young people of today is a major factor in the delay of finding marriage partners. Orpah may have wanted to follow Naomi for the only reason that there would be another opportunity for her to remarry. When Naomi made it clear that there was none of such opportunity waiting for them in Israel, Orpah changed her mind but Ruth clave to Naomi as a friend would by conviction.

When she saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her. (Ruth 1:18)

Ruth passed the motive test by her stability. Ruth’s yes remained yes in spite of Naomi’s attempt to discourage them from following her to Israel. Lack of stability in our young men and women is the reason behind rampant broken relationships and divorce cases in Christian marriages today. A marriage material must show conviction and character stability during courtship and in the marriage life proper.

Violence in marriage is the aftermath of lack of conviction and stability as no sane woman would marry a man who started battering her during courtship. A man who was gentle and caring during courtship could turn out to be a wife beater after marriage if he lacks stability. A wife could start bad mouthing her husband, the marriage and even opt out of marriage after few years due to lack of conviction and stability.