HOW TO FIND YOUR PARTNER

CHOOSE GOD FIRST

I will say that to be a marriage material, you must seek first the God who instituted marriage and your own marriage partner will be added (found) to you in due time, God is never late. Those who look for God will be led to their life partner faster than those who do not.

We are tempted to seek our needs first before seeking the one who can meet the needs. Ruth, unlike most of our young people today chose the almighty God and a life in Israel (with God’s people) in her outburst of affection and consecration.

 And Ruth said, in treat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: (Ruth 1:16) 

There is nothing wrong with coming to God(church) to search for the right partner, good job, business connection, contracts, children, healing to name but a few. It is wrong while in Church (God) to focus on those things first or primarily and put God last or even in a second place.

We know the instruction to seek God first, but in practice I have seen believers who had no working relationship with God trying frantically to carve out one with Him because they want Him to show them their husband or wife partner.

The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust. (Ruth 2:12) 

We must seek and have God as our number one priority because in God we will find marriage partner, fruit of the womb, job, protection and every other thing that are needful to us. We must remember that marriage is not a precondition to make heaven and neither are the possessions of other material things. Marriage must not be rushed into or made a do or die affair. On the last day, raptured believers will be part of the marriage supper of the Lamb, where as the bride of Christ, we will be married to Him, praise God!

ENVISION THE MARRIAGE

And the LORD answered me, and said, write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. (Hab 2:2) 

Vision can be defined as the mental picture of our desired future. The business vision paints our desired business venture and the vision of our wife or husband paints our desired partner loaded with all our expectation of him or her. It is not like seeing a beautiful woman in a dream singing in the choir and then believing your wife must come from the choir.

It was difficult before I met my wife to find a single sister in church who was open to the extent that she could reveal her real age. When you ask a Christian sister how old she is, she either answers you with another question “why do you want to know”, stylishly ignore your question or lie about it. So, I painted the picture of my wife who is open.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. (Hab 2:3)

I love singing and dancing unto God and wants a family of singers where my wife or I could lead, my daughter plays keyboard, my son plays drum set, my second son plays the guitar and we will form our own band. So, I painted a picture of a wife who could sing: note that I did not say a wife in the choir as that could be tantamount to limiting God.

I loved missionary work including reaching out to the less privileged in the society. I then painted a picture of my wife who loves mission work and would not mind becoming my help meet in my assignments, going with me wherever I went. Amazingly, I met my wife while a missionary and she loved it. I was later recalled and posted out to pioneer a parish with her immediately after our wedding and she is still doing well as pastor’s wife to the best of her ability. I know of sisters who have vowed not to marry a pastor.

Sister, do you see yourself as a career woman in the future? Do not make the mistake of marrying a man who wants a fulltime housewife. Do you love to spend your annual vacation overseas? Do not marry a spouse that believes vacations are better spent in the village with grandpa.

All areas of disagreement between couple’s expectations are prospective cracks on the walls of that marriage in the near future, write your personal vision and also articulate your marital vision; it will go a long way to ensuring that you achieve the marriage of your dreams.

FIND A PARTNER

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. (Pro 18:22) 

Many are still single today partly because they do not have idea of who to marry. It is necessary to consider the place of vision before embarking on the search of who to marry. “If you search for what you do not know, you won’t know when you find it”.

To commence the search, we must first settle with God what we need in a spouse. In doing this, we must let spiritual characteristics be our priority but that is not to presuppose that we ignore the place of physical attraction or likeness. When God brought Eve to Adam, he liked her because God made her beautiful. However, beauty must not rest on outward adorning but that of inner character of humility, kindness, hospitability, good heart and brotherly love.

There is also need for heart preparation that must manifest in attitudinal change from that of singlehood to that of marriage readiness. By faith, there is need to plan how we hope to sustain the marriage as we explore several avenues open to us to find our life partners. We must have at the back of our minds that every avenue where we come in contact with the opposite sex is good enough opportunity to find our life partner.

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD. (Pro 19:14) 

A lot of believers found their partner as they remained committed and dedicated to the work of God. A true life story that comes to mind is that of Betty who joined the sanitation department of the church and her duty post every service day was to keep the toilets always sparkling clean all through the service duration.

Betty was a bank executive and was close to 40 years yet still single but continued to do her work in church. One glorious service day, she was faithfully doing her work when she was approached by a readymade bachelor Mike who had monitored her commitment and the zeal with which she kept the toilets sparkling clean and thought to make her acquaintance.

The more Mike knew about her the more he was convinced that he had found his wife. Some months later, Betty and Mike got married in a very glorious wedding ceremony attended by so many church members some of who she had touched by her dedication to God’s work. Betty’s testimony made some single sisters in the same church to rush to join the sanitation department, perhaps they too could get married to a very wealthy and successful husband like Mike.

WHERE TO FIND OUR PARTNER

We could find our partners at family meetings, office/work places and market places. Opportunities abound in our churches, wherever we are visiting and in our schools and at seminars and conferences. Furthermore, a friendly disposition and hospitable character are guaranteed avenues of meeting one’s life partner.

The Family

But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac. (Gen 24:4)

Our family is our kindred. It means breed of the same kind. It means our breed of the same kind of believers. Spiritual brethren are of different breed from carnal ones. It is error for spiritual believers to seek life partners from amongst carnal believers much less people from same village or tribe that are not believers.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  (2Co 6:14) 

Choice of life partner from outside the family of God with the intention to convert the partner after must be discouraged. Cross breeding is an unnecessary risk in marriage especially for Christians.

God creates good and perfect marriages but Satan is the author of monstrous marriages.

It is the plan of Satan to create chaos by blind folding real believers into marriages with unbelievers just like he tried to corrupt mankind through fornication between fallen angels and daughters of men.

Hospitality

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Heb 13:2) 

Once a sister in her generous hospitality was buying gifts for brothers in church, some brothers thought she was desperate for a husband but few others saw that it was her character. Irrespective of the negative comments that got to her, she was not deterred.

She eventually hosted a young and vibrant minister of God who came to preach in her church and they became friends. Some years later, the man of God sought her hand in marriage. Today they are married and run a thriving global ministry with headquarters in Lagos, Nigeria.   

Tragic Fornicator

The Fornicator


A story was told of a maid (house help) who was sleeping around. She would go after security men (mallams) within the G.R.A where she lived. Between her routine of taking the children to school and bringing them back and other house chores, she would make out time to familiarize herself with security men in their neighbourhood. Most of these mallams have little kiosks near their gate houses where they sell petty things.

The maid in a bid to partake freely of some of these petty items on sale by the mallams got trapped into illicit sexual rendezvous from one mallam to the other. It was during this period that she contracted HIV unknown to her.

One of the two children of the maid’s master fell sick. He was treated for malaria parasite and there was no improvement. His blood sample was later collected to run a test. He tested positive to HIV virus and typhoid parasite.

The parents were confused about his HIV status and the search for a possible explanation led to HIV screening of the entire household including the maid. The maid tested positive and so was their second child.

A deeper investigation for the source of the infection began and it was discovered that the maid was responsible! But how? After series of interrogation and investigation into the lifestyle of the maid the truth emerged. She confessed to be sleeping around. The confusion was not yet over. “Could she have slept with our son, they thought” no, he is small but what about our daughter? How did all these happen?

The doctor suggested that a possible way is through the sharing of blood piercing instruments like needles, razor blades or even tooth brush. The maid later confessed to have been using the children’s tooth brush to clean her teeth. “Oh! That is it” exclaims the doctor, “bleeding gum and blood of the maid on the children’s brush.

You may say what carelessness but I will say what wickedness. Were these parents careless? There could have been that element of carelessness on the part of the parents but the cause of the tragedy is the wickedness and profanity of fornication.

A sister of mine who heard this story, now subjects every prospective house help she intends to employ to HIV screening. That, if you ask me is good but in this life, we cannot be too careful.

We live in an era of wickedness perpetrated through a life of sexual perversion, we must all repent. Repentance is a great gain to us and people around us.

Longman family dictionary defines a Prostitute as a person who engages in sexual practice for money. It went further to define Prostitution as the devotion of anything to corrupt or unworthy purposes.

Going by the first definition above, one is confused as to what to call a person who engages in sexual practices or offers his/her body for the use of another ex-gratia.

This brings to mind the story of a young girl who thought it fun to offer her body to willing men freely. She freely contracted HIV from one of her benefactors.

Her ordeal started as a teenager, out of secondary school and writing her JAMB exams. She was at home most of the times alone; parents gone to work and siblings gone to school. In the same compound of room & palour apartments (Face me, I face you) was a young man who was into spare parts business.

The young business man saw a golden opportunity to sleep with this young girl while at home one day, down with Malaria fever. When he got better, he planned his battle strategy to seduce the innocent girl. He continually bought her gifts after their first meeting. These gifts were intended to seduce and hence could be called bribes.

“And thou shalt take no gifts: for gifts blindeth the wise, and perverteth the words of the righteous” Ex 23:8

How easy it is to get people to believe you love them and to sell their soul by giving them free things. Men idolize other men who give them free things. It does not matter to them if the enjoyments of these free things are for a while (temporary) as long as it satisfies their immediate needs.

“Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birth right” Heb 12:16

A fornicator or adulterer is a profane person. Profanity is the treatment or abuse of something sacred, to desecrate or debase by an unworthy or improper use.

”…Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body” ICor.6:13b.

It was not long before the young businessman in our story trapped the girl and she lost her virginity! For the girl, the first experience was both painful and sweet. It was easy for her to overcome the painful aspect and cling to the sweet aspect.

A married man in the same compound soon noticed her. She started sleeping with the married man. When she became the source of quarrel between the young businessman and the married man, she moved her search for fun (sexual pleasure) outside the compound. She failed her JAMB exams and was not bothered. She sold her birth right on a platter of sexual fantasy and wantonness. She could not stay a day without a man.

She continued in this madness until she fell sick with Malaria symptoms. She visited a government clinic where they took her blood samples to run a test. She was not just sick of Malaria Parasite but tested positive to HIV 1 and HIV 2 viruses.

She was jolted to reality by the result of her HIV test. She was in counseling for over 2 hours and the doctor was trying to convince her that she could still live a normal life with the drugs available now. She could not stop crying over what she called a wasted life. She mortgaged her destiny.

“For you know how that afterwards, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears” Heb 12:17.

In a vengeful anger, the young girl told the doctor she has made up her mind to repay the men folk with their own coin. She vowed to no longer wait for men to approach her for sex but would embark on a seduction mission first on all the men in her compound and then in her entire neighbourhood. It is free sex for all available men.

“Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner……with her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him” Prov.7:12-21.

If this is exactly your story, the doctor may be right and you could still live a normal life with immunosuppressant drugs. But if you found it difficult to believe the doctor and that is why you have embarked on that vengeance mission, I beg you to give the Doctor of all doctors Jesus Christ a chance to restore your life and destiny. Hear what He told Cain before he embarked on his vengeful mission:

“And the Lord said unto Cain, why art thou wroth? And why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shall rule over him” Gen 4:6-7.

Jesus came to this world and died for somebody like you. He came for the sinner and not the righteous. Sickness; HIV has its root in sin and your true repentance and confession of our Lord Jesus Christ as your saviour will orchestrate the free flow of His blood to wash and cleanse you, forgive and restore all that you may have lost.

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” Jn. 10:10.

Dearly beloved, if you have gone on this revenge mission for months or years, I challenge you to commit the same number of months or years in seeking Jesus. I did not say seeking a man of God but the greatest physician Jesus.

It is necessary that you find a complete Bible believing church in your area, but you must first surrender your life to Jesus, where ever you are right now and pray this prayer:

God Almighty Father, I accept that I am a sinner and Jesus came and died for me. I accept Jesus into my life today. Cleanse me with the blood of Christ and write my name in your book of life. I refuse every covenant I have with the devil, directly or indirectly, in Jesus’ name.

You are now a born again Christian. What you need now is a Bible, the great book that God will use to lead you on.

If you are a young girl and the above stories practically describes your situation only that you have not gone for HIV test, please proceed immediately for a free HIV test in any government health centre near you.

Thereafter, you are also encouraged to follow the counsel given above, whether the result is negative or positive. That it is negative should make you forsake your old ways and run to Jesus to show gratitude for His love & protection.